Nourished By Beauty
Today, in our Rare Family Dynamics support group we explored the idea that you can letting go of control can open the door to an embrace with wonder, awe and surprise.
How do you do this when your life has so many unknowns and you feel so out of control as a raregiver? You take sa little bit of time to quiet your mind, allow wonder to emerge and welcome lovely surprises you could not even begin to fathom.
Slow down. Embrace the surrender which is a discipline--turn your attention toward the beauty and goodness that already exists in the world.
Joy 🌈 🌈 🌈
Look for joy. Take the time to accept and receive it. You might feel guilty about experiencing joy especially when your Rare child is struggling. Remember, joy 🌈 is your birthright.
The distraction of doing
Perhaps you find yourself choosing to get busy with a zillion tasks because, if you're busy, you don't need to feel.
Feeling is dealing. Dealing with what is here means welcoming the beauty and the suffering.
Make room for Joy 🌈
Joy is nourishing. For example, if you love french fries, when you eat them, they may bring you joy, and a certain quality of comfort and nourishment. Joy 🌈 is nourishment for your heart and soul.
Attune to yourself
You first need to learn to communicate with yourself. Recognize what you are doing, and when you are running away from feeling. Perhaps you interrupt the momentum of doing your tasks and take a few minutes to be present with yourself.
If you were pushing Joy 🌈 away, because you felt guilty about experiencing a positive emotion while your child is struggling, maybe now is the time to make a new choice.
Affirmations
Positive affirmations are a great tool for cultivating self-love. I suggest that you speak these out loud. You can come up with your own set of affirmations or listen to prerecorded affirmations on one of the many apps, including Insight Timer, a free meditation app. Padma Gordon has several meditations on this app, including some that include affirmations.
Here are some suggested affirmations for you:
I deserve joy.
I allow myself to feel my feelings
I notice beauty.
You are invited to pause three times during your day and repeat these (or the affirmations of your choice) for one minute. Notice what changes when you practice these affirmations over a period of time.
Zoom out
When things are hard, it can be useful to zoom out and take the birdseye view. Take a few deep breaths and pause. Try to get a little bit of distance from the situation, and imagine what you might say to a friend. Take yourself out of the equation and approach it with neutrality.
Open to wonder
When things feel out of control, you can slow down and see if you can open to what is good.
By slowing down, you might find the wonder in the way the sunlight shines on the trees or in the scent of your body lotion as you apply it to your skin. Maybe you find yourself in wonder and awe at the existence of your Rare child or children.
Curiosity opens the door to wonder rather than judgment which creates a barrier. Respond rather than react, or judge because judgment obscures beauty.
Presence opens us to beauty.
Coming up The Places we Go When Things Aren’t What They Seem
We live in the black or white and the yes or no for much of our life. What happens when we begin to live in the AND? This state of mind can allow us to see the hurt and the playfulness of sarcasm, the gratitude of bittersweet and even the amusement of irony. While being a Raregiver™ can feel like an impossible task… things aren’t always what they seem.
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