Tend to yourself First
This week in our Rare Mothers in Relationship Workshop we looked at attachment styles or emotional relating styles. We each have different needs based on how we were loved during the first 18 months of life. We contemplated what it is that allows us to feel held and loved in our partnership. We looked at some things you can do to tend to the connection with your partner.
In relationships, It’s useful to study our partner in order to discover how to communicate in a way that reaches them and in turn, they too can study us to learn how to relate to us.
The Art of Loving
The art of loving takes practice and oftentimes the triggers that arise in relationships come from a young place inside us. It’s useful to know when we are in a young place and to be able to self-soothe and offer comfort to that place. When we are resourced, we can hold these younger parts of ourselves and which enables us to hold our partner’s younger parts in moments of need.
Our understanding of “real love“ comes from early on in our lives. You might notice some parallels between your family of origin and your primary relationship. Your partner can be an ally and contribute to you getting your needs met and it is unrealistic to imagine that they can be responsible for all of them. This is where friends and extended community come in.
Put Yourself into the Equation
As a Rare mother, you are a caregiver for life which is exhausting. In order for you to live a sustainable life, it’s important to put yourself into the equation and find ways to take care of yourself. It’s also useful to know what you need and to be able to ask for it.
Things you might need on a regular basis:
A hug
A break
To simply be listened to rather than advised or fixed
A moment where your partner looks into your eyes and is simply present
Some quiet time to connect with the source of the deepest healing which is pure love through meditation, yoga, prayer, or time in nature
Remember to tend to yourself and then tend to your relationship.
Coming up this week: Being a We
Being a couple or a We has tremendous value. It stabilizes us and reminds us that we are not alone. In this workshop, we will look at the many ways it is beneficial to you as a Rare Mother to be in a relationship. It is important to remember that inside of the We is “you and me.”
Join us
Our next meeting is Tuesday at 10 AM PST. We would love to have you there. Being together in this way is an opportunity for you to share your heart and have authentic connections with other Rare mothers.
Come as you are. Your presence is a contribution.
Zoom Link:
