Time To Be Nice To Yourself
We kicked off the fourth quarter series of our Rare Family Dynamics Group on Tuesday. We explored what it is like to receive the nourishment of your own attention. As a raregiver, most of your attention goes out and often very little goes in. Nourishing yourself is important too. Acts of self-care and gathering in community are nourishing ways to spend some of your precious time.
We meditated on what happens when you turn your attention toward yourself. We asked: How does it feel in your body? What are the benefits of shining the warm light of your attention on yourself?
Slow down
When you turn your attention toward yourself, the mind gets quiet and you slow down. Receiving your own attention helps you to regulate your nervous system. The gift of your presence is self-care. As you turn your attention toward yourself and notice your breath, you might also notice a kind of spaciousness.
The wandering mind
One of our group participants noticed that when she was invited to turn her attention toward herself, her mind immediately went to thinking about what her family needed.
When you take time to focus on yourself, you may realize how your own self-care is the first thing to go in the busyness of caring for your Rare child and your family. You might notice that you have stopped exercising and taking quiet time. As soon as you become aware of this, you can choose to make a change.
Remember, self-care is not selfish.
Prioritize yourself
In your busy life as a raregiver, it is important to schedule your self time. Put yourself on your calendar. Set boundaries around what you can and cannot do. Ask for help. You need it and you deserve it.
Fight, flight or freeze
You might find that you are often in one of the three dysregulated nervous system states: fight, flight or freeze. One of our participants said, “I feel like my nervous system is on fire.” If you are noticing this kind of stress, you need more self-care.
What is in the way?
Notice what is in the way of you being there for yourself. Perhaps you’re having thoughts like “I can wait.“ Or maybe, “I don’t deserve it.“ Or another common one is, “I should be able to handle it.“ These are what is known as limiting beliefs.
Each of these statements creates an internal rupture. Your primary relationship is with yourself and it is a good idea to repair these ruptures quickly. Heal the wound before it gets infected. Offer yourself oodles of kindness. Breathe, widen your awareness and drop into a space of calm.
Tell yourself that you matter because you do.
A practice for you
One practice that you might find useful is to take five minutes per day to simply be aware of yourself. Close your eyes and notice your breath. Each time you slow down and notice yourself you expand your capacity to be present. Try it and see.
Coming up this week: Stage 1 Noticing Changes – From working person to full-time caregiver
This week our theme will be Noticing Changes. In the early stages of becoming a caregiver for your Rare child, you are asked to embrace many changes as you move from a full or part-time professional to a full-time caregiver. This is a huge shift and you will have many feelings to embrace as you step into being an expert on your child’s Rare disease. You are invited to join us for a potent conversation.
You Belong Here
This group is open to all raregivers regardless of gender or relationship status. Join our amazing community of raregivers who get you. Come be seen, heard and deeply understood. Let the community hold you. We meet on Tuesdays at 10am PT. Come for all or a portion of the session.
Come as you are. Your presence is a contribution.
Zoom Link: Click HereWe look forward to being with you soon.
Warmly,
Padma
